We can fall out of love with anything .... our job, the town we love, our partner ...

But the phrase "fall out of" makes it sound like an accident, like something we have no control over.

I think we have far more power over our lives than we may think.

What I continue to experience more and more in my own life and with the people I work with is that we get what we focus on.

After my third child was born, for the first time in my relationship I started to become irritated by my husband's behaviour.

It wasn't new behaviour. He hadn't changed. What had changed was my thoughts about his behaviour.

So the big question is "why did my thoughts change"?

Before I answer that question, let me tell you how convinced I was that the problem was his behaviour. I shared it with a very good and long-time friend - someone who had known me since I was 15 and my husband for as long as I have known him.

She could see what was going on from a completely different point of view.

What had changed?

Me.

My mood had declined following giving birth in the second half of my thirties. I didn't FEEL as good as usual which changed my perception!

This is so important to recognize. I am incredibly grateful to this dear friend of mine who steered me to the help I needed so that I could think the way I used to - by focusing on how wonderful my husband is!

Your feelings attract your thoughts. If you are feeling down for any reason, you can't necessarily trust the thoughts you are thinking while you are in that state. And it will be difficult for you to think better thoughts while you feel the way you do.

The most important thing for you to do is find a way to feel better consistently which will allow you to see clearly.

Now I know that there are many other reasons that a relationship can change. But I would recommend that if your relationship is worth saving, you start by feeling better.

Love

Tracy x

P.S. If you need support with feeling better you may be a candidate for my soul pleaser program which you can explore here.

Or, if you would prefer ongoing one-on-one support, I recommend Mantle Health.